Most men will concede that they do on occasion cast a glance at some form of pornography, most likely in this day and age, in the form of video clips and photos on the internet. It is very rare, however, to find girls who will openly admit to a similar interest. This may have more to do with women simply being more cagey about what they reveal publicly about their sex lives, but in this instance we might have to accept that ladies generally don’t watch pornography. But, why not? Everyone needs a little titillation from time to time and personally I find it an efficient, entertaining and even educational pastime, where gratification is found and new positions, techniques and tips can be learned, taken home and used to dazzle my lady friend (I need all the help I can get!).

I have met a few girls over the years who will sit down and watch something at least moderately pornographic on occasion, but it generally veers towards something with a plot – Basic Instinct and Lust, Caution both did the trick if memory serves – rather than the kind of graphic, non-narrative gonzo porn that overwhelms the internet and constitutes the bulk of what most guys watch. When stripped down to its bare essentials, it is a simple matter of what turns people on.

Women, in general, love the fantasy, the setup, the surroundings and the mood and so something with a story is important. They need to be aroused emotionally before they can enjoy the carnal act itself. Most porn films these days are simply two – or more – people going at with no established concept of what their relationship is; it’s just an intertwined mass of rutting flesh.

But guys go for that. We are far more visually stimulated. The location and identity of those we watch don’t matter, provided the camera is in the right place to capture the best of the action. Men don’t need the story, they see it as a waste of time and, whenever possible, will skip to the sex itself. Men don’t want to be seduced, they want to be aroused. That’s why porn works for guys – it’s no-nonsense, no-holds-barred visual stimulation – and that’s exactly why women object. They may claim they are abstaining because they find it exploitative, degrading or what have you – but the days of Linda Lovelace performing with a gun at her temple are long gone. Porn is a huge, multi-billion dollar industry in which, without a shadow of a doubt, the women are the stars. Men are nothing more than disposable meat puppets. The actresses rule porn and the real reason why our girlfriends and wives object to it is that they know it is not made for them.

The black lace romance novels or Japanese boy-love manga that do constitute female-oriented porn, or “erotica” as the girls prefer to call it, do get just as graphic, but they take their time getting there and that difference is crucial. There is a real story, detailed characterization and emotional arcs that men simply don’t need in order to get turned on. In fact the very notion of a plot in regular porn has become a long-standing joke. Whenever a setup is required, it is deliberately flimsy and implausible to get to the deed as quickly as possible. Perhaps women have taken offence to the industry’s trivialization of, to them, arguably the most important part of the erotic process – the foreplay, and, because the industry is a faceless menace which can’t be slapped and is perceived as being in cahoots with the men who watch its product, it is us who bare the brunt of this displeasure.

One can also learn a little something about a country and its people by viewing its pornography. The image conscious, highly promiscuous, yet ultimately conservative image projected by American porn – pneumatic-breasted babes and oiled up beefcakes go to it like the clappers at a moment’s notice – is in my opinion a fair reflection. The Japanese on the other hand, worry less about physical perfection, instead focusing more on the potential for escapism and wish fulfillment from a rigid social structure. British porn, let’s face it, is better left alone. As with their cuisine, the Brits gave up doing it their own way a long time ago, in favour of savouring the wide variety of delights the rest of the world has to offer.

So in the end, relationships are a lot like pornography. Regardless of where they are from, women need the surroundings and emotional foundations to be well established before they can relax enough to really enjoy sex. For guys on the other hand, if we are doing it, then it is real. Seeing really is believing and our emotional involvement can be switched on and off as easily as a VCD. If we are all to live together happily then the guys need to realize that a few minutes of scene-setting – be it a candlelit dinner, a moonlit stroll, or a few sweet words whispered in her ear – can pay off big-time when you finally do get her into the sack. And women have to understand that a home-cooked meal, an evening walking hand in hand or a soft and sensual massage will never get a guy turned on as much as a body they can really appreciate. Once that is understood, everything else is plain sailing.

Of course, what do I know? If there are any young ladies out there who do see the beneficial side of porn then I’d love to hear from you. State your case and share your views, opinions or even a few recommendations through the usual channels, below!

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